without courage and responsibility there is no change, since there will be no risk.
— countertransference and misreadings, Feiner (p. 645)
more of the seattle school.
“All close relationships require proximity that causes us to step on each other’s toes. If, for whatever reason, one does not say “ouch” and communicate the distress experienced as a result of the other’s actions, a complex dilemma is created. The need to disguise the distress causes the inmost self to be hidden from the other. The distress, if unrelieved, eventually triggers anger and resentment that must also be hidden. This causes further withdrawal and hiding of the inmost self. The other, perhaps not even aware of the offense, experiences feeling of rejection triggered by the withdrawal, without information adequate to allow reestablishment of the intimate bond. Now hurt, this other may also resort to withdrawal, those setting in motion a recursive loop of rejection and hurt. [ Kelly, p. 87-88]
the reading that most made sense of the chapter it was in. this is a bid for therapists instead of solely analyzing a client to enter into the emotional experience that happens within the relationship they have with their client. it is a painfully honest, and beautifully progressive part of the therapeutic process that i am trying to trust.
sharing is caring.
